The Grandparents are in Town

One of the biggest drawbacks about living a combined 2142.4 miles away from both our families is the shocking lack of visitors. Having guests is a rare treat that occurs far too infrequently, and is almost never long enough. So when we get grandparents driving all this way and staying with us for not one, not two, but for six whole nights, we are on cloud nine.

Thinking about it I realize this is actually the longest visit we have had from any family member since we have been married. From anyone. Ever. We definitely need more family visitors, 'cause we live for hanging with beloved out-of-towners. Is this guilt trip working? Are you all now planning a visit here real soon? Good! Immediate family, extended family, friends, long lost acquaintances, practical strangers, anybody will do. No, not really anyone. But we seriously love having loved ones come visit. We more than love it. And we have a spare bedroom and are willing to give up our bed and sleep on the floor to have you come stay. Plan your trip soon. Do it!

We will entice you with scenic canyon landscapes, trips to bear lake, long gorgeous walks, bike rides, and spectacular hikes. If that doesn't do it, than we can promise you long card games and board games and late nights visiting and laughing. We will take you shopping, and out to eat, and make sure you experience the very coolest parks logan has to offer. You know, for the kids. A stay with us practically guarantees you a walk to, through, and around the cemetery. (Trust me, its cooler than it sounds.)

You will most certainly get your hand on a tennis or badminton racquet. We have movie theaters, and bowling, and farmers markets, and a water park, great weather, no mosquitos, and most importantly laser tag. And if all that doesn't work, we will take you to gossner foods for a tour of all the cheese and milk-making wonder and we will personally see that you receive all the samples you can handle. Yes, we will bribe you with chocolate, root beer, or mango milk. Whatever suites your fancy. Also, I will bake you a cake. A cheesecake if it's your birthday. We celebrated grandmas 74th (not first, despite what the single candle indicates) with a chocolate berry one just yesterday.

I guess what I am saying is we are having a simply lovely time with the family here this weekend. We have spent our time doing most of the things listed above. We will be so sad to see them go. It's an honor to host your grandparents, you know? We feel so lucky.

Also, we love having visitors and are not above begging for the privilege.

 

To my Grandma

A letter I wrote to my grandma about one week before she died.

I never got the chance to mail it to her, but I did get to read it at her funeral.

So I like to think she got it just the same. 

Oh Grandma, 

You always knew the secret to being not just a good, but the best grandma. You perfected the art of making every grandchild feel like your favorite grandchild. And it wasn’t just by being there at every junction in my life, that wasn’t the best thing you did.

You know what has been the most meaningful? The most memorable? The best? For me it was lying in bed at night down in the basement, listening as you slowly rocked in that old chair singing as we all fell asleep. It was knowing you were there not just for the important or big things, although you were, but for the everyday things as well. It was the comfort it gave me, even when I couldn’t see you through the darkness, of knowing you were there. And it was knowing, that when morning came, you would be there again, this time with a lively tune to wake us up.

It was working alongside you in the garden or plant room as you shared your secrets of how to grow practically everything. And it was sitting beside you at the sewing machine or in the kitchen watching you work your magic of creation, painstakingly teaching me along the way.  

Grandma, it was you setting up the old typewriter with fresh ink pads and blank pages, just so I could type on it, even though it was mostly nonsense and even though it could usually only hold my attention for a few short minutes. It was listening to me repeatedly pound out simple tunes on the piano, and calling them masterpieces. 

It was the time you spent picking peppermint leaves with us from the garden and then teaching us the fine art of making mint tea. It was you helping us craft a stellar lemonade stand. And becoming our cohort as we brought home stray dogs, and cats, and fish, and frogs, and anything else living that we knew you would instantly love as much as we did, and as certainly as grandpa would instantly hate.

It was you endlessly blowing giant bubbles using a bucket full of dish soap in the front yard. And setting up the slip and slide at the side of it. It was picking up all us soggy tubers at the end of a long day with dry towels and taking us home to warm soup and homemade bread, and a hot bath. It was founding the cousins club, and arranging tea parties and indulging us at breakfast in pancake animals. 

It was you being there when as teenagers we arrived home late at night, and talking grandpa down when he was angry because we had. It was you heating up beanbags and mugs of postum when we were sick. It was siding with and defending us when we needed it most, and then with our parents when they needed it. It was the much-needed hugs, the ever-helping hands, the kind words, and even the gentle reprimands. Grandma, it was the late-night visits, and baking amadama bread, and telling us stories of when you were little. It was the feasts you created that brought all the family together, and the way you still somehow always know what we are up to, and are genuinely interested.

It’s impossible to picture my life without you in it. Not the Christmases, or the summers, or the time I will spend raising children and grandchildren of my own, children who will never know firsthand how amazing you are.

If I was to craft a perfect Grandma I can’t think of a single thing I would add to what you already are. I hope someday to be to my grandchildren what you have been for me, and mean to them as much as you have meant to me. I hope they will know that is was you, my dear sweet grandmother, who first showed me how to be not just a good, but the very best of grandmas. 

And it is for all these things, and so many others, that I want to say thank you. And that I love you. 

My last time with Grandma

My Grandma's funeral was today. We left town yesterday evening, right after my defence, and drove 10 hours straight arriving in Cardston at around 4:00 in the morning. And just a few hours after that we were at her funeral. A funeral that felt pretty surreal. Because even when you know death isn't the end, it's always incredibly difficult to adjust to a world without someone you love in it.

But strangely I am also feeling grateful. Grateful because I got to be there. Not just at the funeral but a couple weeks earlier too. I got to hold her frail hand and feel her thin fingers tighten around mine. I got to move my thumb back and forth across those prominent varicose veins on the back of it. I got to be there to gently help her out of bed, and into the bathroom. I got to, for those few short days, offer her chap stick when her lips were dry, lift a glass to her mouth when she was thirsty, and brush her hair when she requested it. And all of this felt like a profound privilege.

I got to care for, even for a short time, someone who had always cared so well for me. And I wish I could have stayed longer. I wish I could have dropped everything to savor her grandma-ness while it was still here to be savored. I wish I could have stayed by her side until that last breath left her body. I wish I could have helped make her last weeks and days more comfortable, and better somehow. But for the short time I had with her while she was still laughing, and talking, and smiling, and asking about my schooling, and photography, and plans for the future, I am deeply grateful.

I knew it would be the last time I would see her. And that it would be the last time I would hear her talk about grandpa, and the war, and her childhood dog, and the old days. And it gave me the chance to say goodbye.

In Memory of Grandma Remington

At 5:50 yesterday evening, in the comfort of her cherished home of 60 years, my grandma passed peacefully away with family at her side. She had been battling cancer the past few months, holding on much longer than anyone anticipated. It was her last act of kindness to all those who loved her, she gave us the chance to say goodbye.

The many faces of a Grandma with Alzheimers.

It can be heartbreaking to see your grandma tear up when she realizes that it is Christmas day and is devastated by the fact that she has not done any christmas shopping yet.
To see her sitting sweaty on the doorstep after walking over a mile to get to our house in the winter cold, more than once a day. (at least she is getting her exercise!)
To hear her continually insist on going back home (she doesn't have one) to her guests (she doesn't have any) after arriving at our house just a few minutes ago.
Lot's of things are difficult when you love someone with Alzheimer's.
But there are really incredibly clear and funny moments when she is just herself again.
She kind of hams it up for the camera doesn't she?

 

fathers day

{cute grandpa holding up the fathers day card we made him.}

because our families both live so very far away,

we usually don't get the chance to celebrate small holidays together.

but we were lucky enough to have ryan's grandparents for fathers day this year.

it made the day extra special.

{and also made me miss my own grandfathers, who have both passed away.}

we spent the day picnicking up in the mountains.

{the boys at the top of the mountain. can you see them? they're small but they're there!!}

it was all lovely.

a lovely day.

a lovely location.

some really lovely company.

and even some lovely animal friends who we met along the way.

{ducklings actually crossing the street right in front of us!}

{we saw not just one but three moose!!}

{yes, we know we shouldn't have, but we fed him that nut he is eating anyways.}

I'm feeling both grateful and lucky.

grateful for stalwart fathers.

for hard working grandfathers.

and for all of our posterity, on both sides of our family.

as far as family trees are concerned, we really lucked out!

weekend with grandma

My maternal grandma, who also happens to have Alzheimer's, spent the last few days with us. She left behind a few kleenexes, (in both our top dresser drawer & a pen holder) a newly arranged guest room, (she kept rearranging all our pictures, figurines & books) and a lovely little note (addressed to no one in particular and signed with her first & last name) which accompanied a little gift of rose scented soap (it smells just like her.) She also left us with some chocolate milk in our fridge (she picked it out at the grocery store and every time we got her a glass she said verbatim "mmmm, that's so good! {with shock} did you make this?") and a whole slew of funny memories. And even though it was an extremely long 3 days (see exhausting!) we're so grateful to have had them with her. Because, for all we know, those could have been her best 3 days. Most likely she will only be getting worse from here on out. Harder to handle and more confusing to speak with. So we're happy. Happy she was able to come see our home and tour around Logan with us. And happy that she was so pleasant and cheerful.

While she was here we enjoyed a lovely picnic up in the mountains. We rented and watched The Young Victoria (basically on repeat. she got through the movie and all the extra features twice.) and went out to dinner a couple times. She went grocery shopping with me and thoroughly enjoyed pushing the cart. And she absolutely loved washing our dishes. We didn't mind either (despite the fact they all had to be rewashed) because it kept her busy and made her feel useful. These were the successful activities. The library however was NOT a success. Nor was the scenic drive up the canyon. And taking pictures only lasted about 5 minutes before that was out. Cooking was a big fat impossible, except for the pre-packaged caesar salad we put together the one night we ate in. That was the same night ryan found a package of parmesan cheese in his salad. (In theory cooking sounds like a perfect diversion, but grandma has no patience for chopping and dicing and sautéing and waiting.) But grandma & I both loved when 4:30 rolled around and ryan came home. This was the much anticipated time of day. Grandma would ask throughout the day "how long does he have to work?" (I have to admit, I sometimes felt like asking that very same question!)

But then there are moments like these that make it all worthwhile and extremely difficult to not laugh right out loud.

• while watching Julie & Julia: "I've seen this once, oh it must have been at least 10 years ago."
• in response to a line in the above mentioned movie: "What's a B*tch? What is a b*tch??"
• an older park worker was joking round with grandma and mentioned that his "bendover was broken" and with concern grandma responds: "Oh dear! I hope that's not too serious."
• while looking through my mission albums grandma mentions: "oh, i've been on 2 or 3 missions at least. To England, Taiwan, Japan... oh, and that other place." ryan: "the phillipians?" (i don't know why he offered that one.) "Oh yes, there too. And holland, New Zealand. Yes, I've been on quite a few missions." (she has in fact been on one - to Arizona)
• while gazing at the silhouettes I made of ryan & I and a small print I found at D.I. a couple weeks ago she says: "Now, I had these same two pictures in my house down in the basement. Someone took them without even asking. My kids are always doing that. Was that you?" (This accusation was repeated at least half a dozen times over the weekend.)
• after grandmas bath on friday I inquired: "How was your bath grandma?" she responded with: "Oh, not great. It was a bath! There's nothing enjoyable about a bath."
• and then the time when she actually walked into our neighbors house while I was standing with the door open to ours asking her to come get her purse. I still don't know how that mixup actually happened.

just a day with grandma and me.

my grandma turns 77 this week, so on thursday we celebrated.

i took her out to lunch at nostalgia cafe,

where we ate huge sandwiches & mini's cupcakes.

this is also where grandma talked me through her most recent photo album.

and apologized profusely that i wasn't in it, even though i was.

and forgot what avocados were, so i had to explain.

then we went to barnes & noble,

where we browsed through books aplenty.

this is also where grandma got the giggles watching pigeons on the roof.

and criticized obscure books like anna karenina & oliver twist for having strange titles.

and couldn't comprehend why there were soo many magazines.

we also stopped by backyard birds,

where we admired the vast display of birdy wares.

and looked at bird baths similar to the one she has at her home in canada.

this is also where grandma insisted she had no such bird bath.

and if she did, she had never seen it.

and then we drove home.

to my aunt laurels, where she is staying.

and we watched the old movie miracle on 34th street.

grandma loved the actress playing the little girl,

but thought the last half of the movie was incredibly boring.

"they should be able to make a better film than this!" she informed me.

{maybe someday grandma, maybe someday!}

this is also when grandma expressed the following sentiment:

"funny," she said. "that it should be so dark. especially in the summer."

all while gazing at the christmas tree aglow with lights.

and then before bed, grandma recited some of her favorite poetry for me.

the white magnolia tree with fondness.

and the creation in character - accent and all.

and then she encouraged me to write some poetry of my own.

and even gave me some paper and pen,

waiting anxiously to see what i could produce on the fly.

i was sorry to disappoint.

it was a happy day indeed.

and the next morning i called my husband at 8 am.

to say hello. and i miss you.

and while talking, a timid knock came at my door.

"come in" i said.

and come in she did.

grandma was all giggles and laughter.

a good morning hug, a good morning kiss.

and surprised excitement to find someone staying in her adjoining guest room.

and although grandma probably doesn't remember any of it,

i hope that i never forget our happy day together.

to my grandma! oom pah pah!

i've begun writing my memoirs. premature? maybe!

but, i figure the best time to start is now,

when i can most clearly recollect dates & times & places.

so, for the last couple months i have been compiling important,

funny,

wonderful,

interesting &

even sad moments

into a document appropriately titled: my memoirs.

i've organized entries according to seasons of my life.

not necessarily chronologically.

chapter titles are things like: childhood, dating, mission.

and anytime a fond memory comes to mind, i write it down under it's proper heading.

it has seriously been such fun re-living these moments.

for many years my grandma has been telling me to do just this.

even at a young age she would encourage me to write

anything & everything i wanted to remember about my life.

i think it was instinctual in her, to write things down.

{and sadly ironic that her handwriting is almost illegible.}

she has piles of journals, and has written me countless letters over the years.

but now that my grandma has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's,

i think i'm finally appreciating how truly wise is her advice.

lately her favorite activity, how she spends most of her days,

is reading through those old journals.

at this time when all is confusing and unrecognizable,

she finds the most comfort in re-reading through the familiar sentiments of her past.

and so i'm writing. anything & everything. i've started my memoirs.

so here's to you grandma!

i love these pics we took together.

maybe you can't tell, but there was a lot of laughing going on.

grandma would check out the result in between each shot.

and demand that i take another.

she kept re-adjusting, and was never quite pleased with her image.

it comes with age {according to her.}

she removed her glasses after viewing the first picture,

"that will not do." she lamented.

ah vanity!

i think we have ten of almost the exact same frame.

these 3 are my favorite.

they capture some of my favorite grammy expressions.

i love my maternal grandma.

she's absolutely adorable and just the cutest thing,

especially when she get's the giggles.

this happens a lot.

and luckily is an innate characteristic that runs in our family.