In exactly twelve days, I will be leaving behind my 20’s forever. It is a sad realization seeing as how my 20's have been so awfully kind to me. They have brought me the very best parts of my life so far; my Romania, my education, my new last name. They have offered up to me a new country to call home, a couple of degrees, travel by trains, planes & automobiles, my first and last loves, and a husband who is now my family more than my own family. For these alone I will always cherish my twenties.
Because they have been so very good, I have struggled with the bitterness and sweetness of their departure. Have, I admit, been tempted to mourn their approaching farewell and grieve the loss of these younger years. This looming transition has weighed on my mind over the past year, and while commemorating my 29th birthday, I even scripted a letter entitled “to my 29 year old self.” It was a to-do list more than a letter, a catalog of accomplishments I hoped to have realized before the monumental age of 30. Things that I hoped would bring me more fulfillment and lesson the blow of the big 3-0. It was, basically, a bucket list. As though turning 30 was a death of sorts, and those bullet points were undertakings I had no hope of accomplishing after August 22, 2011. As though this number thirty is some sort of expiry date on the quality of my life.
I’ve decided to revise that list. Just one part of it actually, the deadline. I'm changing the way I look at the number and focusing instead on all the things I want to accomplish while thirty. And it's exciting really, because this new number holds some really amazing firsts for me. My thirties will see us landing our first career-ish jobs, buying our very first home, becoming brand new first-time parents. And rather than feel bad that I have not experienced these things already, by this age, I am just so excited that these incredible firsts are still on the horizon for me. That I have not worn off all the novelty of life already. That some of the things I have always wanted most in life are still ahead instead of behind me. So I am looking happily forward to thirty, while savoring the very last glorious days of 29.
Perfect. I think you are amazing, what an outlook on life. :) I just love it, and love you! Have fun in Mexico!!!
ReplyDeletehahaha, oh my gosh, you just made me cry. This is beautiful, insightful, hopeful, intuitive.... all of the things that I would expect of a soon-to-be 30 year old. I love the way you look at life. And I love the fact that we get to see you on the last day of your twenties and usher in the 30's with you. Have a great time in Mexico, I'm supremely jealous.
ReplyDeletei freak out sometimes (all the time) about the fact that i am 30ish and don't have a house or a baby or a corporate job. i have all these ideas about where i am "supposed" to be. and it can kinda make me feel like a big frumpy failure if i think about it too much.
ReplyDeletewhen you talked your situation and about how many firsts still are ahead for you and how you haven't worn out the novelty of life you really struck a chord with me.
i can honestly say your post just totally changed the way i've been looking at my "situation".
thank you leah. thank you for putting yourself out there--your thoughts have buoyed me up.
beautifully said my dear. Just Beautiful!!
ReplyDeleteAw, you guys, thanks! Sometimes I'm hesitant to throw personal stuff like this out there on the old blog, but it feels good to get it out there.
ReplyDelete