attempting to fail

there are some things i'd like to do that i do not attempt.

things i've convinced myself i wouldn't be good at.

or that i wouldn't be as good at as somebody else.

things that paralyze me with fear of failure.

things so intimidating i don't even try.

'cause i imagine their defeat as a devastating blow.

and so i harbor secret dreams,

stored in the cobwebbed recesses of my brain.

i think about them sometimes and how if i had a different

background, personality, body, life,

then i would try (and be wildly successful) at these things.

dreams i do not yet feel comfortable sharing.

especially not here. not yet.

but i think this year i'm going to dust one off and try it on for size.

just one, you understand, because one is manageable.

(i haven't decided which one yet)

and because facing all of them at once would be overwhelming.

and when i watched this on my friends site here today, it made me realize,

that even an attempt, even my attempt, should be applauded.

(you should definitely listen to this. it's 20 minutes, but truly inspiring. i've listened to it twice.)

and so i guess i want to be more successful at failing.

try for big things even though especially because they're petrifying.

and as cliche as it all might sound,

i want to be better at not being afraid.

or at least doing things anyways, in the face of my fear.

really knowing, as elizabeth gilbert states (and as i believe)

that the most extraordinary aspects of ourselves don't come from us,

but are on loan to us. a glimpse of god.

that we don't have to be successful in order to be successful.

you know? that the effort itself is a success.

even if it's a failure.