1.28.2010

attempting to fail


there are some things i'd like to do that i do not attempt.
things i've convinced myself i wouldn't be good at.
or that i wouldn't be as good at as somebody else.
things that paralyze me with fear of failure.
things so intimidating i don't even try.
'cause i imagine their defeat as a devastating blow.
and so i harbor secret dreams,
stored in the cobwebbed recesses of my brain.
i think about them sometimes and how if i had a different
background, personality, body, life,
then i would try (and be wildly successful) at these things.

dreams i do not yet feel comfortable sharing.
especially not here. not yet.
but i think this year i'm going to dust one off and try it on for size.
just one, you understand, because one is manageable.
(i haven't decided which one yet)
and because facing all of them at once would be overwhelming.
and when i watched this on my friends site here today, it made me realize,
that even an attempt, even my attempt, should be applauded.

(you should definitely listen to this. it's 20 minutes, but truly inspiring. i've listened to it twice.)

and so i guess i want to be more successful at failing.
try for big things even though especially because they're petrifying.
and as cliche as it all might sound,
i want to be better at not being afraid.
or at least doing things anyways, in the face of my fear.
really knowing, as elizabeth gilbert states (and as i believe)
that the most extraordinary aspects of ourselves don't come from us,
but are on loan to us. a glimpse of god.
that we don't have to be successful in order to be successful.
you know? that the effort itself is a success.
even if it's a failure.

8 comments:

  1. Leah, really when I read "attempting to fail" I thought- yep, sounds just like Leah... she couldn't even fail at anything if she attempted to!! You are fabulous at everything you do- so you might as well attempt everything. :) Then the rest of us can keep learning from how amazing you are!!

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  2. Wow, very intriguing....one thing I know you are so good at is writing. You go girl, I wish I had that talent. One day I may take this advice...when I get brave enough:)

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  3. Oh Leah! I just love you! This is perfect. I am so glad that you posted about it. THANK YOU! You just made my week!!!

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  4. i can't wait to see what it is that you try! i want to do the very same thing. i think i shall spend my sunday afternoon thinking about what i'm afraid of trying (i also have many things) and figuring out how to give them a go. good luck!

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  5. Leah, you are such an inspiration. Thank you for being so wonderful!

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  6. You don't know me...somehow landed here through a lot of blog hopping tonight.

    Had to leave a comment because I really love this. I think we all do this convincing of ourselves that we can't. I'm in the middle of it right now, but it's something I must do. Might as well do it with confidence, right?

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  7. oh wow, thanks everyone! it's so nice to hear i'm not the only one out there struggling to overcome insecurities and just go for something.

    and lara, i'm glad you stopped by and hope you come and visit again! i loved looking at your cute family blog and taking a peak at all your photography talent in action!!

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